The Jews and the bicycle riders are guilty of all that ails the world.
Yes, but why the bicycle riders?
Thus an old German joke: die Juden und die Radfahrer sind schuld daran. Ja, aber warum denn die Radfahrer? It is still making rounds. And not only in Germany.
My good friend Mark Leyderman sent me the following story. Written by a Jewish writer whose name remains hidden, the only thing we are aware of is that the original author is no longer with us.
He called the story thus:
Jews evicted to the Moon
The Jews settled on the Moon in the year 2035, some five years before the culmination of the Islamic Wars in the 2040s, when the Near East (and Israel, naturally) were destroyed by nuclear explosions.
The remaining two million Jews, scattered all over the world, some hundred thousand of whom lived in Muslim countries, got together and purchased the dark side of the Moon that nobody else wished to colonise.
They organised space boats, and all of the world’s Jewry (including those who had anything whatsoever to do with them) gathered and flew to where nobody could blame them for anything.
The remaining earthlings were overjoyed – their planet has, at long last, got rid of the Jews! Great Celebrations were staged in Europe, Africa, Asia, South and North America to mark the occasion. The latter was now known as the Northern Association of Islamic States, following a peaceful coup d’état in the U.S.A., during the 2040 elections that saw a Muslim majority getting elected to Congress. The President, of course, has immediately introduced changes into the country’s law, declaring Islam the main state religion of the U.S.A. – and the rest of the world.
After the last Jew entered the boat (it was David Goldstein, 62, of New York), Hans Ibn-Hitler, Adolf Hitler’s great-great-great-grandson, brought up in Brasil and kept there for this special occasion, declared the planet Judenrein[1].
This wasn’t easy for the Jews but, generally speaking, it didn’t differ much from what they had lived through during their ancient history. Former Israelites (who survived only because they were out of the country during the nuclear bombing of Israel) said that it would be easier for the Jews to settle on the Moon, if for no other reason than because there would be no Islamic fanatics around.
The topic of Jewish colonisation of the Moon’s dark side has naturally created wide-ranging debates among the Jews. Some were of the view that the absence of radical Muslims will make the situation much easier. Other Jews countered by saying that settling in spaces that have no atmosphere and no plant and animal life, either, in temperatures close to absolute zero, will not be easy in and of itself. There were also others who said that quarreling about these subjects makes no sense. But nobody was surprised that, eventually, there was a million synagogues built for two million Jews (where the other million wouldn’t set foot).
It was no surprise, either, that the Jews have created a controlled environment within the next three years that would give them fantastic crops and cattle growth. The space boats (that the Jews called “the Arks”) were used to carry not only people but also a couple of each animal and plant. Thanks to successful cloning and genetic engineering, a number of new plants and animals have appeared, breeding and procreating with unusual speed. Besides, they featured some interesting improvements, such as cows with six udders, hens with four legs, etc. The population started growing quickly and, thanks to scientific and medical minds, most of diseases and aging issues were minimised.
They created a Department for Communications with the Earth, employing former Hollywood producers and directors. They were broadcasting movies about life on the Moon back to Earth. But the community decided, even as they had been travelling to the Moon – based on the 6,000-year-old human history, during which most humans plainly envied the Jews – that they would be sending only negative information, filled with horror, even. The movie industry, run by Jordan Spielberg, succeeded in creating films showing the Jews languishing, having difficulty surviving on the Moon. Cupolas, skilfully created to show desert and abandoned areas to make sure that if earthlings send intelligence vessels to find out what’s really happening on the Moon colonised by the Jews, they would see ruins.
Yet, nobody was sending any interplanetary intelligence vessels from the Earth. Years would go by, decade after decade, bar and bat mitzvahs, weddings, brit mills, all of this would be celebrated in the artificial world the Jews had created. It would get so far that some Jewish intellectuals started calling the Lunar camp “Eden 2.”
Naturally, other Jews wouldn’t agree. As is usual, they spent a lot of time arguing and disagreeing. They would even organise discussion contests, but, overall, peace and serenity reigned on the Moon. Anyone who would in any way disturb this peaceful lifestyle would be made to argue with their opponents. The debates would last whole days (and weeks, sometimes), until the disturber would beg for pardon (basically, that’s how punishments worked on the Moon, and that would turn out very effective).
Meanwhile, life on Earth, minus the Jews, started to break down, slowly but surely, returning to the Middle Ages, and only Islam, as we recall, was declared official religion while all the others would be declared more or less heresy, their adherents were oppressed, persecuted and languished. That’s how it went on until religious wars would start breaking out. They would change the situation every few years.
That’s when the most interesting anomaly emerged: anti-Semitism grew to unparalleled heights. Yes, yes! The Jews removed themselves from the surface of the Earth, and yet, anti-Semitism kept only getting stronger. Famous speakers had simple explanations: “I need not have a gun to be afraid that someone would blow my brains out!” The Jewish lightning rod has disappeared, but another tragedy has emerged that had nowhere to splash out. As we remember, earlier evils used to be splashed out on the Jews, as a rule.
(A certain Rabbi on the Moon said that G-d turned to him to tell him that He is getting ready to destroy the Earth because of the multiplied and concentrated evil inhabiting her.
The Rabbi asked G-d to change His mind if there will be a thousand Saints.
G-d told the Rabbi, “Look, I’ve gone through this with Noe and Abraham, and I know the answer already – I’m G-d, after all.”)
People were laughing at the Rabbi but, one beautiful day, as they were minding their own business, they noticed that Earth was shaking from a frightful number of explosions. All Moon inhabitants were watching the fiery balls engulfing the blue planet that used to be their home.
Despite the feelings of ignominy and anger for being forced to leave the Earth, the true Jewish spirit ruled on the Moon – nobody wished anything bad on their old home. An old Jewish tradition bans expressions of joy over a foe’s doom. Even now, when the Jews saw what was happening on Earth, they began to sob and pray, watching what looked like a last broadcast from Earth. The apocalyptic horror was recorded and broadcast until the ionisation caused by the bombs turned all power supplies off. Entire countries were wiped off the Earth’s surface in an instant. And that’s when the final broadcast came in from the country that had started the entire process, it was a voice of despair and hopelessness, through shouts of hundreds dying broadcasters.
… It was a conceited speech, lasting till the end, till darkness fell. Curses on Jewish heads were the final words of the dying civilisation: “The Jews caused all our problems – they left us to solve all that mess that they had left behind. If the Jews hadn’t taken away the best scientists and engineers, we would have defeated our foes. The Jews are our enemies! Kill the kikes! (Бей жидов!)”
After some time, experts figured out what had happened on Earth in her final days. The anti-Semitism, growing like an avalanche since the Jews’ departure, reached its peak. This led the progressive humanity to launch a massive attack on the Moon. The UNO coordinated the attack yet, despite the fact that all missiles had been launched properly, an error happened with their navigation systems which made the rockets strike one another, after which radiation rain of debris and electronic disturbances fell down on the planet’s surface. This triggered an automatic defensive reaction of all countries (that, by the time, all had nuclear weapons and other, just as scary, “toys”). A real Armageddon was the outcome.
The Jews on the Moon fell into deep sorrow. Orthodox Jews tore their clothes off, never stopping their prayers and gatherings. About a week after THAT DAY (as it would be called since then) a body moving towards the Moon was detected. Could it be one of the nuclear missiles? Will the Jews perish no matter what? The government consulted military experts. No, it was not a missile. It was an old space ship, one of those like they used in the 1970s. When it approached closer, laser defence equipment took aim. Debates went on: should it be destroyed or should it be permitted to come close enough to open negotiations.
The ship’s broadcast came just in time: “We’re the last representatives from Earth – two from each country, and we’re coming in peace.” Some Jews were overjoyed that they remained saved. Others demanded that the ship be either isolated or shot down.
The Rabbi who had had the vision about the Earth’s destruction told the leaders that G-d wants to give them a chance, and the ship was permitted to start orbiting the Moon. The ship was told that it would receive a region on the Moon where they could live, but the interplanetary travellers disagreed. They told the Jews they have to admit them among themselves, giving them all privileges. After all, it says in the Jewish religion that newcomers have the same rights as citizens enjoy.
Having heard this, the leaders approached the clairvoyant Rabbi, and he told them to ensure safe landing for the ship. The permission was granted. Except, the ship’s commander did not trust the Rabbi’s instruction, and the ship crashed into one of the lunar craters.
Thus, we have before us the last days of planet Earth’s history, as shared with us by the Jewish colonists of the 453rd Solar system of the Galaxy M. Despite the fact that Earth remains unpopulated at the moment, the Mars Jewish colony commander says that Venus would be fully colonised by the year 2120, and, should the speed of re-greening the Earth remain as it is, the planet would be capable of receiving the returning Jews from other planets by the year 2136.
An interesting remark: a special package was found among the debris of the Earthlings’ ship after its crash. The following was written in it: “A great planet called the Earth used to exist some time ago. There lived many nations on Earth, and they lived together in peace, except for the Jews. Wherever there were Jews, there were problems. The Jews brought with them filth, death, hatred and squabbles. They were chased away from the planet eventually, but they took away with them inventors, scientists and physicians, leaving the Earth with nothing. In retaliation, we have decided that whatever remains of the insidious race of the Jews has to be destroyed. It didn’t work on the first attempt. This means that our ship represents the last chance to save the Earth. Whoever finds this letter should know – THE JEWS ARE GUILTY OF IT ALL!”
This record has been saved. It is on display in the Museum in memory of planet Earth in the Rivka Crater, for all travellers who hadn’t understood the meaning of these words: “Whoever blesses the Jews will be blessed, whoever curses the Jews shall be cursed.”
[1] Judenrein (clear of Jews) was a Nazi description of their Endlosung (final solution) plan that would see all Jews exterminated.
Please feel free to share this content on all social media you like